The Purple View

Reviews, rants and purpleness

Journey To The Centre Of Video Game Movie Adaptations!: Part Three

Posted by Nathan Hardisty on February 2, 2009

Yes, I lied, now don’t be like ‘Purple you devil!, how dare you!’. Because I thought this thing needed a bit of a bigger conclusion, instead of 10 games and a little bit at the end, it’s 3 god awful games and a big long ranting conclusion thing. Let’s get started shall we? Platforms: Nintendo 64

Superman 64 

Platforms: Nintendo 64

Now, let’s start off with quite possibly, the worst movie game ever. It’s not technically a game based off a movie, but who cares, let’s just get to the bottom of the **** pile. The only actual words that I can think of to criticise this thing is ‘stay away’, honestly, if there is any games which are more frustating than this, I want to know, if there are any games that actually ridicule the player, I want to know, if there are any games that are WORSER than this thing, I want to know.


There really is no gameplay value to this at all, there are some punching and real superman action later on, but I didn’t even want to get past the godamn ring section. You have just 2 minutes to fly through rings… rings…? Superman doesn’t fly through rings, he picks ’em up and beats the crap out of Lexxy with them! This is probably the most unimaginitive, ridiculing game I’ve ever played, could even be the worst ever game.

E.T

Platforms : Atari 2600

When you first start this game, you obviously know it’s gonna be bad… really bad, and do you know what? Your wrong, this game is a freakin’ masterpiece! OF **** THAT IS. You control E.T and go around areas as slow as a retarded snail (The Heavy in Team Fortress 2 is even faster than the godamn alien) In fact, I don’t even know why to give this ‘masterpiece’ a 2nd paragraph, it just doesn’t deserve it. Not the worst game I’ve ever played, but deffo up there with… some others…

Spongebob Squarepants : The Movie : The Game

Platforms: PS2, Gamecube, Xbox, GBA

And so we end this ****storm with the most confusing title of them all. When I found this buried beneath countless awesome platinum titles, it still had the price tag on it – £30, 30 godamn british moneys wasted on something which I couldn’t even stand for one hour. In fact I think I only got it because it had Spongebob on the front… but anyway… have you ever heard of a video game based on a movie, having the ACTUAL title of the movie… like say ”Hitman : The Movie” (in the USA) or ”The Simpsons Movie”?, well there’s a Simpsons game but godamnit it’s not called ”The Simpsons Movie Game”.


Honestly, look at the screentshot… these are during the PS2’s last ‘golden days’ before the flood of crappy TV based titles and the last awesome titles, the days when the online world was only just beginning and the days that would be remembered for all time. I actually had a good look at the box and it even said on the said ”The Spongebob Squarepants Movie”, I bet kids bought it because it had that on the front to be honest… like me!

Conclusion

Video-games based on movies have changed a lot over the past few years, but most are still just there to make a quick buck over a cheap liscence. There have been some golden gems and some actual abomonations which give the whole genre a stinking name. I’m quite a buyer in movie based games and most of the time, I have to take a while to appreciate them. Most are usually made with the ”kiddish” auidience in mind, but stuff like King Kong seems to always turn out… better… but that’s not to say more ‘Adult’ films are better games, just take a look at Transformers…

The acutal genre of movie games has really earned a name for itself, but a bad one. ”Childish, terrible, unimaginitive, ****”, but if you really sift through the pile of cheap lisences, EA games and other knock-offs, you can find some real gems of creativity and gameplay. So that’s why I want to turn your attention now, to HOW TO MAKE A REAL MOVIE BASED VIDEOGAME, using just one simple rule, if the devs follow this then they’ve got a ‘enjoyable-awesome’ game on their hands.

MAKE SURE I PLAY THE GUYS IN THE ACTUAL MOVIE

Honestly, I’m sick and tired of this ”explore new locations not found in the movie!” bullcrap, ”experince the life of Griffen in an adventure not found in the movie!” dogpollap and the godawful imaginitive ”see new and fantastic characters NOT FOUND IN THE MOVIE.”, well developers, why did you begin to make the actual game huh? To make a quick buck is the obvious answer, but if your gonna do that, at least LET US KNOW THAT IT IS AN ACTUAL VIDEO GAME BASED ON THE MOVIE. Video-games of movies are supposed to be OF MOVIES, not of some simplistic childish side-story.

The lego games are a great example of this, not some fancy side-story shizdabab, but visiting all the locations of the film and giving it an orginal quality to it. Although they try to marry two things together – LEGO and movies, they are still a great example of what the genre is capable of. I do wish one day for another movie video game to actually put you in the shoes of at least ONE of the main characters and show you the movie, not some made-on-the-spot bull****

 

 

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