The Purple View

Reviews, rants and purpleness

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Whats So Good About Half-Life?: Christmas Presents Don’t Last As Long As This Series

Posted by Nathan Hardisty on February 2, 2009


So it’s almost christmas time, and well this is the end. It’s been a long road of rants, pants and grants… fictional government grants that funded a project that is the base storyline for the series we’ve been talking about THAT IS! If you understood any of that, well done, now go eat up your beans young sports.

Ahh conclusions, plenaries, endings, finales… I can’t be bothered sorry… wait, am I getting paid for this? Oh yeah I’m not getting paid… then I’m out of here… hey whats that you got? OKAY OKAY I’LL WRITE… now get that pistol out of my face so I can concentrate… Anyway, the series of Half-Life was liek, epic phail in my terms… yes that mistake was intentional Alex, now stop showing off your gun… sheesh


Now it’s time to pick on Valve, yay! Ever since Half Life started, or ever since the universe began, Valve have always seemed to support anything that they acomplish… in an unhealthy way. When Episode One came out, I remember seeing some interviews of Valve just talking about how it would ”shift the fps franchise frther” and “unite players in its engrossing story”.   

How can a single player game unite people over what is some of the cheesiest lines and just recycled plot garbage… AND it’s Episode One, I don’t even need to have a whole episode on that one to explain why that one sucked. Valve are always apparently “pushing the FPS genre”, while I’ll admit that Team Fortress 2 is the best godamn class based multiplayer experience invented, but they get a bit too big headed.

For one, they have only accepted a few bits of feedback into the patches for the PC version of the game… and even nerfed two classes beyond enjoyment… cough cough.. and us Playstation players will never see the light of day of which is the bountifaul… update! You Xboxers can see the TF2 updates before the end of 2009, lucky bastards.

More complaints about tf2… and it’s supposed to be about half life… but what the heck. When I heard about TF2… and even Half Life ONE, it was back in 1999 – and it was the front cover of PC Gamer or something… I finally got a chance to play it after 10 years almost… by that time I had aced Half Life 2, ranted about numbah one, looked foward to seeing Halo 3 and just about forgot about it, nice one valve – ‘delaying genius! One game at a time’

Now here’s mah steam rant, init, now while other developers would concentrate to pump out good, replayable awesome games, Valve decided to branch out… might as well have planted another tree. Steam was just about, one 0f the first digital distrubution thingies, and rather than concentrate on filling the gap between games more… they continue to support tSteam and Steam Fortress 2 (haha you satrical fiend)

Every year we get a 6 hour experience of mediocre first person shooting and then play on something else, it’s not the price or the length of the game that matters, it’s how long I have to wait for the next, and yes Episode Three will be released… in 2010, 3 years after Episode Two – which is great Valve, real awesome.

Whenever Episode Three comes out, expect a whole 9 week rant on how the graphics blow now or Gordon Freeman’s last (and first) words were uneeded… and then my life memoirs. Merry christmas by the way, merry fucking christmas.


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