The Purple View

Reviews, rants and purpleness

Why Grand Theft Auto IV Won More Awards Than… Urmm…

Posted by Nathan Hardisty on February 6, 2009

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the sound of 100s of GTA IV fanboys yelling “OMG FKIN DROP IT NUB”, but GTA IV is getting it’s welcome addition of the downloadable kind , and I’m ready to rip dis beetch apart again! So, GTA IV won a billion awards, it won best PS3, 360 and overall Game of the year… which is kinda sad as LBP should have won the PS3 part – just for being one of the only good exclusives.

So, for biting out the best PS3 exclusives, I’m gonna rip this to shreds! Now your probably wondering “But oh great Bananahs! You already ripped it a new one!” And your right, so I’m gonna go through why the hell none of it is GOTY award material.

Someone once said, a great game is made by great dudes… well they couldn’t have gotten it more fucking wrong! Rockstar have made just absolute classics, from The Warriors to Manhunt, they’ve been the subject of controversy for over a billion years… yet no-one’s really criticised them? Why, because they’re fucking Rockstar! A great game company with an awesome reputation should never have to be horribly nitpicked… or should it?

Haze was the most dissappointing titles of 2008, and Free Radical made that! The legends of FPSs, and they said they were putting their heart and soul into this! I can’t even begin to criticise it… poor blokes. But this is just about the same thing, it’s a bit like Barrack Obama (with all the good things he’s doing) going out on a road rage or killing his arch-nemisis – the sugerpuff monster… and because he’s the President and he’s done just about every good thing in the book, no police dude is gonna question him!

What’s the reason that GTA IV got stellar reviews? Bribes. Whats the reason that GTA IV got stellar awards? Bribes. The journalist world is no longer the truth, thanks to every publisher and developer in the world: just shoving money up Reviewer’s arses and asking for a score, there is no other reason why GTA IV would get more than… well… a 7/10 is pushing it, but ok… there’s no reason that GTA IV would get that high!

I can’t help but admit that there’s no truth in reviewing video-games anymore, as the best critics and the sites that people turn to, are more or less bribed into rating it high, apparently IGN might’ve been paid only to go ‘soft’ on the game – but they went all “omgwtfaweesomegoty” on it, just so they wouldn’t get sued for their contract with Rockstar, the poor chums… I myself will review all games truthfully, because obviously a game like Kung Fu Panda would be giving a 11/10 – and thats tha truth!

So it’s no joke that GTA IV sucked , so why honestly did it get these awards? There was a billion other things they could’ve chosen, but I think the main reason they chose it… was it’s Grand Theft Auto, it’s the cult series of gaming, more controversy than Gary Glitter and Michael Jackson combined! It’s just the life essence of gaming, fun and out-of-this-world, except they fucked it up in the latest installment!

Now, Vice City, San Andreas and GTA 3 all won Game of the year awards, and I think both portable games made the list too… but does that mean the WHOLE series needs to be called “Series Of The Year” or GOTY every time it comes out? Hell no. A game should be judged as it is, and not as a franchise. Maybe that’s just why all reviwers have their head up their arses… Oh and the Lost and Damned DLC? Looks actually quite cool to be honest…

(Sexy headers and designs by Juanji, the coolest kid on the block)


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