The Purple View

Reviews, rants and purpleness

Whats So Good About Halo?: LOOKIT ALL DAT JOOICE!

Posted by Nathan Hardisty on February 18, 2009


Aha, good evening and welcome to Gears Of War-reference-ville and today we’re going to show you how to stuff a full cow teddy up your arse! I kid, I kid! That’d be too dramatic and comical for this website… oh and to our new viewers or readers or “IGNORANT FUCKS” as I call them – welcome the second edition of the “Whats So Good About Halo?” series. The most poorly written rants on the internet!

In this installment, we will be examining the acclaimed… okay maybe not acclaimed… but often talked about presentation of the series, Halo 2 to be exact. I hope you enjoy shoving a cow up your rectum… I mean enjoy reading this installment, now – sit back and enjoy the show!

Now, when Halo 2 came out – the world was astonished. The multiplayer clicked together like… well… bread and butter , and the full Halo epicness was supposed to be there… most…. resist… future reference. Now at the time, visuals were only just becoming the main focus of video-games (or ruining the main focus of video-games) and Half-Life 2 decided to fuck around with Bungie and release in EXACTLY the same month as Halo 2. Now that’s a bit of a full punch ain’t it?

We were all on Halo 2 though, wait for Half-Life 2 to install (giant size decompression blah installation reference, har har har) and well… we got fucked over didn’t we? It was basically the visual equivalent of grey toast. Still good toast, but just… bland, and that’s what made the gaming world what it is today. If Halo 2 had instead been set in the tropic jungles are an epic outer-space masterpiece, the visuals and even GAMES of today would be different… especially FPS/Halo copy and pastes.

Later on in the game, we got these forrests that were kinda cool. I didn’t get to finish the game though , so I don’t know what was at the beginning. The sequences with the Arbiter… they just put the kick-stamp on epic and it was awesome to finally play as the enemy in a game. It hadn’t been much done before and I’m sure it might’ve even kickstarted a lot more of them. I’m sure that without the whole Arbiter gameplay, Halo 2 would’ve just seriously failed , not only just failed… but it does kick us in the teeth.

Now, let me just quickly sum Halo 2 up before we move on to 3. Halo 2 was a breakthrough, I’ll admit that, the visuals were on par with Holywood effects and it probably changed everything. Half-Life 2 however, just about crowbarred the whole game in terms of presentation, but people still went to Halo 2 for just plain fun. 8.6 million dudes to be exact. Too bad that they didn’t see the texture-pop ups, the crashing and general lack of polish… heh subtle humour.

Welcome to Halo 3 land ladies and gentlmen! The game that is HD, but doesn’t display at HD! It displays at 1152×640 not the usual you’d expect, and probably 640i instead of the usual 720. Does that mean there’s a visual degrade… no! Unfortunately for me, it’s all crisp and clear. The water looks like water and the grass looks like grass, it’s all polished up, but that’s what you expect! It’s odd, because Halo is probably one of the most reputable series around for having visuals which stun and dazzle… looks like a spiced up version of Halo 2 to me.

The problem with visuals in the Halo saga, is they are limited. Bungie can’t do a giant epic space battle with Banshees and mammoth guns pulging giant bombs into each other, because they have a budget. They could spend years and centuries designing the epicest game ever, but Microsoft would want some pay-off. If you were Microsoft and Bungie came to you with this ‘epic’ vision, you’d look at the figures and then think “NTY”. Halo 3 grossed over $300 million in sales, but a game as epic as that vision, would cost say… $500 million to make, GTA IV costed $100 million, and we all know where that went!


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